Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
