Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
