so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize