This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
