The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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