Don't make out with my wife yet
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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