I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
