i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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