I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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