fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
