I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
