Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
