I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
