He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
