I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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