His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just crazy horny about you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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