Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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