"it" just moved
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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