dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
