john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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