in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
