bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
