That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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