Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
