just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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