I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
