There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
