My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
