i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize