Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
