I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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