sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize