so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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