Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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