$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
