I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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