Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
