Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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