You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
