I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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