do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
