Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
