she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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