I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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