I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
