Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
