You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
