Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
