wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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