If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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