I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
