enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
