Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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