Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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