I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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