idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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