She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
