How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
