So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
