Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
