the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
