I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
