so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who died my cat blue again?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
