why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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