Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
please come you make the beer taste better
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
