Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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