if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
