Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
